Desperation

Boiling out of the sky-white flakes they touch your face and vaporize
Eyes held in awe of the world which seems designed to inflict red
A soul tithing to your own personal demi-urge // disaster an end in itself
Pat and sever, kiss and yearn, touch with disgust the coal glowing there
It holds heat — throw yourself at it, unquenched hatred coloring the snowbanks

Spit at his feet, tell her she’s a shitty friend
Tear the paper
Light the photo on fire with a yellow bic lighter from the seven eleven
Go out in the street and scream at the stars that have to be there, hidden behind the storm
I hate you, I said
The interstices of pixels sintering through my retinas like laserlight

I turned to look, but you were gone
A final glow of desperation

Things

Things are good
Things are tragic
Things are desperate
Things can’t feel
Things are nice
I can love them but they don’t love me

Things fall apart
Things are beautiful
Things are reassembled endlessly
Things won’t hurt me
Things can be controlled
You can buy things
You can be kept warm and safe by things
Things won’t abandon you

Things are ugly
Things don’t look you in the eye
In the grocery store
And you can’t look back at them
Because you are ashamed
To see the look in their eyes
That tells you that you deserve the shame
Or nothing
So you never look at anyone

And pad your life with things
And push people away
Because things can’t be destroyed, only broken
Things are your life to the exclusion of hurt
Things are where you lie awake at night
Things are there when you come home
And there your things are
You hug your things
You cry into their soft fur
You can give your warmth to things
And they will return that warmth
But they are not warm, themselves
So if you pour your heart into things
You might not get love
Decide now, between things and a world

Buy things
Fuck myself with things but not feel it
Minimize risk with things
Defend myself with things
Tell things what I need
They won’t tell me
Drive into the desert in things
Show the world who I am with things
Automate things
Someday soon, things will be able to care for me

I go home and choose things
Sort things
Wrap myself in a blanket of things
Go to sleep with things
Things will be fine
Things will be normal
Sleep